Sunday, January 18, 2009

A Dog Tale

Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call mine "Sex". He's a great pal, but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment.

When i went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like a license for sex. He said, "I'd like one, too!" Then i said, "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then i said,"You don't understand. I've had Sex since i was 9 years old." He winked and said, "You must have been quite a kid."

When i married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that i wanted a room for my husband and me, and a special room for Sex. He said "You don't need a special room. As long as you pay your bill, we don't care what you do." I said, "Look, you don't seem to understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Funny, I have the same problem."

One day i entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why i was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the competition. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I had hope to have Sex on TV." He said, "Now that cable is all over the place, it's no big deal any more."

When my husband and I separated, we went to court for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before i was married." The judge said, "The courtroom isn't a confessional. Stick to the case, please." Then I told him after I was married, Sex left me. He said, "Me, too."

Last night, Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4a.m?" I told him that i was looking for Sex." My case comes up Friday.


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